Issac's Rainy Mood

Well, this has been a long day.  Stayed up reading 50 Shades (again) and suddenly it was like 4:30.  I'm awakened by Jayme texting and calling, seeing if I wanted to come to her house to ride out the storm.  Good news: Issac is just a tropical storm on our side.  Bad news: we still have to weather the bands it's bringing.  I have spent the day cruising the Internet and attempting to sleep.  It's 11:52 pm and I know that I'm not going to be able to sleep any time soon.  There has been a constant downpour for hours.  That's all well and good, but the creepy thing is the wind.  It sounds like horrible Halloween sound effects.

Back to Jayme:  I decide not to go down there, as it's already storming a bit and I don't want to drive in it.  I talk to Sam briefly and he warns that I shouldn't.  He's grown up in Central Fl... he knows, right?  Well, now I'm alone and scared and wishing I had braved the earlier mess to be down there.  Part of me thought that her on-again, off-again, (but now off and by her this time) boyfriend would show up and it would be hell.  Another part of me thought I'd hang with Eric.  He said it would be fine for me to drive around and whatnot... it wasn't bad.  Then I hear from him on his way over and he's like "holy shit. I may not make it."  And, he'd made the point earlier that it was going to be okay, he'd grown up there, etc.  So, if he's freaking while driving, I guess it was a good idea for me not to drive to Jayme in Boca.  Eric coming over to chill during the storms... Well, that was a flop.  It got to a point where we were kinda arguing and I believe he thought me to be jealous of he and potential other girls... well, he and I aren't together.  I finally had to tell him how I felt:  that I was void of any feelings for him or anyone down here and would probably never love anyone again.  Shit.  Is that how I really feel?  He was the closest dude to dateable that I'd met so far... but, I just would rather be with Daniel.  I'm glad that Eric and I just remained friends and didn't take that next step.  I'm sure my mind would've played tricks on me and told me that I liked him.  It has done that in the past.  So, Eric leaves and I'm left to handle this storm alone.

So, people have experienced this... no big deal, they tell me... whatever.  Um, I didn't grow up with this.  I grew up with the soft, quiet snow.  Yes, ice and lots of snow can kill people and the power can go out and it can be dangerous, but there's not the loudness.  The creepy wind is starting to remind me of the aliens from Sesame Street.  I don't like them at all.  Yip. Yip. Yip yip yip yip.  Yip. Yip.  Makes me shudder.  There isn't anything remotely close to creeping me out when it snows back home.  Nothing sounds like a fearful alien.  The only thing that's odd is when you step outside when the power's out (I remember this circa 8th grade) and it's like midnight and the sky is white... it's light, perhaps reflecting off of the snow.  I'm not sure why it happens or whatever, but it's soft and calm.  It's not this noisy thunder and lightening and wind.  Did I mention the wind?  lol  Sheesh.  

And here I sit.  Normally, one would think that rain storms are calming and help you sleep.  I even have a 'thunderstorms' cd and then there's always  www.rainymood.com, which is an awesome website and even has a song of the day-- today it was Death Cab for Cutie's "Summer Skin" (of all bands-- one that has gotten my attention lately... interesting).  Thank Sam for discovering that gem of a website.  Going to that site while this stuff is going on outside is kinda freaky... like surround sound or some shite like that.  lol

So, I also had an upset stomach during the latter, Kardashian part of the evening.  I became ill and am still sipping the Ginger Ale.  I think I've just been hyped about this storm and wondering what's going to happen and what to do.  I don't know.  I just feel like this keeps going on and the howling wind haunts me.  I wish, instead, the wind was calming music, but, alas, no.  I suppose I should take MY rainy mood elsewhere and turn off the computer.  Back to Ana and Christian, I suppose.

Next time we're supposed to get one of these things, I'm hauling ass out of here.  Either that or stocking up on earplugs so that yippy alien wind doesn't scare me.  Now is the time I'm wishing I had a cat and/or boyfriend.  Again, sheesh.

Crazy, Stupid Love

So, I have free HBO for the first few months that I have cable here... just like I did when I first moved to Brunswick Apartments.  And, of course, they play the same movies over and over again...  just like 10 years ago, when Moulin Rouge! was on rotate and a certain 21-year-old beautiful boy was sprawled out on my floor while Tara and I sat on my couch, watching it. 

Tonight I passed over Happy Feet 2, Game Change, and Knight and Day (American Psycho wasn't playing tonight) to watch Crazy, Stupid Love.  Yes, Ryan Gosling, your abs DO look like they're photoshopped.  Good movie, overall.  And, of course, another thing hitting home about the choice I should've made... or should make.  I don't know how to take it.  I'm so back and forth on the whole issue.  Part of me just wanted to go out and buy the dvd and mail it to him.  But, how certain am I that he'll even watch it, let alone listen to anything I say or read anything I write?  So many emotions during a very emotional week.  So, the theme of the movie, which is repeated throughout:

You should fight for your soulmate. 

Cat People

So... talking to Robin and Sammy and both are so pro-cat and I even went to a Petco to check out Tinkerbell (but it was too late-- she'd been adopted).  Mom mentioned that maybe I DID need to get a cat.  So, had some cider, thinking about going to scary Boynton Wal-Mart, and wasting time looking at catteries in S Florida.  Who knew that there was a ragdoll breeder in St. Cloud... but, then again, the cats kinda look like the people.  lol  Called Robin to get the name that her Tinkerbell is from (she's a persian seal point that looks and feels and almost acts like a ragdoll-- I liked her a lot).  Meanwhile, trolling for cats... and whilst doing so, came across this:

Whaaaa?  That's kinda morbid.  I'm not quite sure what to make of it.  I feel like I should be laughing at it, but then I think about all the poor little kitties in the world whose owners need to heed this warning... apparently like Mom and Dad... Miss Muffit Mittens got out yesterday and sauntered inside with pricklies in her tail.  This was all during the new countertop-install.  Today, Mom sent me pics of her watching Tom and Jerry... apparently was quite content for 15 minutes.  lol  Wish I had a better phone so that I could upload those pics.  Cartoons and golf.  That cat is a mess... more human than animal, my parents insist... and I believe I agree.  So, even though her mother is being sold, I feel like perhaps I should go the route of my parents' neurotic cat and get a good ol' Lima, Ohio ragdoll.  If the baby has 1/8 of the personality that Po Po has, she'll be a riot.  Then there's adoption vs breeder and I know it's better to adopt and save a life, but breeders will keep breeding anyway and I kinda want to know what I'm getting... but, they always say that you should get 2-- to keep each other company during the day.  Mom regrets not getting a second.  Oh well, I can't decide on a first.

But then there's the doubt that's placed in me that I can't take care of myself, let alone another living creature. My Mom has said it before.  Daniel once said it.  And, although it stings, I do find myself wondering if I could ever really be a mother, as maybe I am selfish or irresponsible.  I just don't know.  I guess I could try with a cat, but I don't want to just get one as some sort of experiment.  :(  I just need something to love that will love me back.  But, after living alone and being such a creature of habit, I wonder if it would get on my nerves... so much back-and-forth, debating with myself on a blog that no one reads.  Oh well.  I have something to research and think about, although the costs incurred will probably be the deciding factor and cause me not to get a kitten.  I suppose I've thought this through before.  Oh well... at least I have that weird-ass flat cat picture now... and this one (which is flippin' hilarious and found on a breeder's site):

I'll bet that ragdoll doesn't go outside (lmao)

We'll see what happens, Puss Puss... I'm allergic to you, anyways.

“Whatever gets you through the night”

So, I think I'm getting sick. It's times like these that I miss my old jobs... those where I wasn't in close proximity to so many people every day at work... people who have all been sick in the past week. And there's also the log in computer screen that we all touch at least 4 times a day (at least they have hand sanitizer beside it now). Mom thinks I should carry around clorox wipes. lol At this point, with my throat throbbing, I might just do it.

So not feeling like I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. With the combination of this sore throat and stomachache and the thought of what I have to do tomorrow, I don't know how I'll sleep. :( Tomorrow is going to be hell. Nikki told me what to expect and that it's not going to exactly be comfortable or pain-free. Ahh well... I have to do it. And maybe if I'm lucky, Dr. OB will give me something to kill this pain. Perhaps I'm not going to get what Kesha had, as I still have my voice. Hoping I don't. Perhaps it's anxiety for tomorrow... combination of both? Hmm... Boring blog.

A Haribo Gummy Bears commercial just came on tv... his favorite. Why can't I go two seconds without seeing something that's all about him? Sorry about that... back to me... I think... I'm thinking that I slept too much today after I got home. Boo. We shall see.

too much personal information?

This is what I wish my life was:

Maybe that's too much information.  Maybe it's a bad idea for me to be posting such personal feelings on here.  A former shrink (my favorite) once said you should never write anything down, for it could be used against you in some form later... he was talking of a murder that was framed as a suicide, as the person wasn't doing well and had been writing about his/her feelings.  But, here I am again.  Not that anyone is reading this.  I suppose I just need to get it out on something better than Microsoft Word, to be stored and ignored.

"life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"

I guess it's about time.  Justin Grip always said that I should write a novel.  He thought it would be hilarious.  That's debatable, but here I am... getting ready to share my life with the world.  I'm not sure who will read, but here we go...

So, are you wondering about the title of the blog?  Indeed, the Beatle is known for his lyrical genius and I am, indeed, thinking of one that's so relevant, especially as I am now in my 30s, wondering where my life went and looking upon my accomplishments or lack there of .  I have always identified somewhat with this quote, but now more than ever...

So, here's what I was thinking:
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

But, now as I think of all the things that he said and sang, I think that, perhaps, I might just use these brilliant words to title my entries... although I think I'd like to use song titles... we'll see.  But, life has gone by and I don't know when this happened.

Until next time...

8.17.12  My first blog on this site.