It comes in 3's

First Geppetto, now Dana... I know deaths come in 3's... but, I'm thinking specifically along the lines of this type of death.  Sam put me in my place today, telling me that as long as I had someone who cared for me, that it was not an option... or he said stop talking shit and do something-- either go do it or go get Daniel back.  The latter, I fear, may not happen.  So, maybe the latter will cause the former.  I don't know.

I just am postponing going to bed as much as possible, b/c I'm sick of the dreams.  This morning I woke up at 7 am with snot on my face (the clear, cry-y kind) and tears streaming down my face.  At least now I don't have a roommate to hear my screams.  The dreams are so real.  And, after being so rattled about it, I hopped on facebook just to calm myself, only to find that Dana was gone. After a call to Debbie, I found out how.  I suppose no one will know why.  My why is plain as day.  I am a miserable wretch without the sunshine of my life.  I fear that the only way I'll see him is in these dreams, and most of them take place in Buckhannon and usually have rejection written all over them... sometimes not.  I'm broken-hearted.  I wish some of this giant hole would start to repair, but it just won't.

I posted that I loved her and would see her soon.  Jayme didn't like that, so it was edited.  I sounded suicidal, I suppose. I do still believe in Dec 2012, though.  A waiter at a bar tonight noted that he celebrated death and mourned birth after I explained why I wasn't drinking.  He was happy about where he was going.  How are some people so sure?  I feel like I'm "ye of little faith" right now and I don't like that at all.

Tonight at dinner, Jayme was telling Jenn what type of guy to hook her up with.  They get to me and I don't want one.  Pathetic, I suppose, but I've known something next to perfection and don't want anyone but him.  I feel like I'm not moving forward... I feel like it's just getting worse.  For him, I know it's out of sight, out of mind, but for me, I'm dying a slow death.  I fear that I am going to die of a broken heart.  I am fearing that I might be the third.